Some Day This, Some Day That....

I felt disconnected today. Part of it had to do with waking up to a warehouse with no people in it. I thought I'd heard that a couple of people were going to the beach, but I didn't know where anyone else was. I was alone for thirty or fourty-five minutes. This isn't that common on the farm. When you're by yourself, it's usually because of a decision you make. You often have to go out of your way. Another part of it was I started the day with night-time activities: washing dishes and watching two movies (Lady and the Tramp and The Life Aquatic). This, to me, is eating the desert before the meal (not that I think there's anything especially sweet about washing dishes). The rest of the day I felt off-key.

There is a new person on the farm who is taking classes to be a psychic or something like that. He has a tarot deck (I've been wanting one myself for a while). He had someone fan them out face down, and then he pulled a card out. It was "ordinariness." At first, he didn't get it, but then he looked closer at the card. There was a picture of a guy in a farmer-type hat, out in the country on it. And before he came here he had spent a couple of years in India, which he thinks is the most amazing place in the world. So, there you go, I guess. I pulled a card out, too. It was the procrastination card. I can't imagine a more appropriate card for me. Some day I will pursue those creative projects on the back burner. Some day I will compile some stories. Some day I will carve that pair of chop sticks I've been meaning to work on for weeks. Some day I will read the rest of those Salinger stories.

I don't feel very accomplished today. I think about accomplishment a lot. I haven't figured out if that is important to me or not. I haven't even quite figured out what I mean by "accomplishment." Arriving in Hawaii was an accomplishment, and so was becoming a little handier in the kitchen. I think I'm looking at things in terms of scale. Coming here and learning a couple of kitchen tricks just doesn't seem big or substantial enough. At times. But at other times, it seems just perfect. Those times when I really like where I am, not just geographically, but as far as what I am capable of at the moment and my psychological fitness.

I have no idea what I am doing tomorrow. But it's okay. I know, essentially, what I am doing now.

Love,

Jason